Just Say Neigh To Gambling Bot

Your toucan called and it wants its feathers back. Picture: Chris CrerarSource:News Limited

April 15, 2014 10:09pm. A controversial Alabama gambling operator who boasts of his ties to Al Sharpton wants to open a $400 million resort casino at Stewart Airport — just. This one, where players bet on the phrase the horse would say when used, was the second to be disabled, on 13 January 2012, in an update which made them say only one thing: 'Just say neigh to gambling!'

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Kevin spent his days wondering why his elderly neighbor Ruth lived and slept in her car when she had a perfectly good home just up the driveway. She was a friendly woman, but Kevin never saw her step foot in her own home. When he step foot inside the house, Kevin was immediately met with.
Hi Chris, a year ago you treated me for my gambling problem. I'd just like to say a massive thanks as I've not even been close to gambling since. Just say Neigh'.

THE Melbourne Cup is a great Australian event. But beware! There are plenty of people who can ruin the day.

Here's our form guide to the 24 people you really need to ignore on Cup Day.

NEIGH SAYERS
There is nothing worse than people who walk around all day saying they hate horse racing and tweeting trite one-liners about midgets whipping horses. Have some fun.

MILLINERS
Hat-makers to you or I, a milliner is a person spends their day putting feathers in a nest of straw. Birds call this 'nest making' but milliners inexplicably call it high fashion.

Melbourne CupSource:News Limited

PEOPLE WHO WEAR MILLINERS’ SILLY HATS
It is actually possible to wear a stylish hat that doesn't look like an ostrich wrestling a peacock. Sadly, most women fail to heed this simple advice.

SWEEP AVOIDERS
If anyone in your office is too busy or self-important to put $2 into the office sweep, put laxatives in their coffee.

THE RESERVE BANK BOARD
Whatever they're doing to interest rates, could it wait a week? No one cares about their mortgage when they're about to bet half of it.

BOOKIES
Thieving, conniving bastards, the lot of 'em. Especially the one who talks about his Mummy every time he opens his mouth. You know who we mean.

Tom WaterhouseSource:News Limited

PEOPLE WHO CALL WOMEN 'FILLIES'
After all that’s been said lately about misogyny and sexism, we're still not sure how to define those words precisely. But calling women 'fillies' probably comes close.

GAMBLING ILLITERATES
'Um, so if I put a dollar each way on the trifecta, how much will that pay?' If anyone asks you this, hit them.

GAMBLING KNOW-IT-ALLS
Be equally scornful towards anyone who urges you to 'box six horses in the first four and anchor the favourite in the second leg of the quaddie'.

CELEBRITY TIPSTERS
Nobody cares what horse Emily Symons likes. In fact, nobody cares about Emily Symons full stop. Come to mention it, who is Emily Symons?

CelebritiesSource:News Limited

'EXPERT' TIPSTERS
In this worrying economic climate, they're the only people apart from weathermen and politicians who can get everything wrong and still have a job tomorrow.

HORSE TRAINERS
After the race, the winning the trainer always says 'my horse was going beautifully at trackwork this week'. Would it kill them to tell us that before the race?

PEOPLE WHO WRITE FORM GUIDES
They use a strange hieroglyph which is meaningless to anyone but scholars of ancient Babylon. Here’s a tip. Just say 'slow horse' or 'fast horse'.

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ASTROLOGERS
'Your horse will have a winning aura, colourful colours and a number ending in 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 or 0'. Gee, thanks guys.

ANGRY BOGANS
By the end of the day, two boofheads will always be getting aggressive on the lawn and upsetting everyone else’s picnics. Make 'em muck out the stables, we say.

BrawlersSource:News Limited

SMUG WINNERS
There is nothing worse than once-a-year punters waving their $1 winning ticket in your face declaring themselves to be psychic and/or the world's greatest form analyst.

BIG WINNERS
People who win big are even worse. Unless of course you manage to coax them down the pub and force them to shout you and your mates for the rest of the afternoon.

THE PEOPLE WHO SCHEDULE THE RACE FOR 3PM
Clearly, they don't have to pick their kids up from school, and haven't thought much about those who do.

BARACK OBAMA AND MITT ROMNEY
Apparently they're involved in some race of their own over in America. A bit rude of them to steal the limelight, really.

BOSSES
Victorians may not realise it, but the rest of the country has to work on Cup day. Good bosses can allay this injustice by letting their staff knock off at lunchtime. Uh, Mr Murdoch..?

TV COMMENTATORS
Woohoo, here's a horse race. And now here's 40 minutes of absolute meaningless drivel to fill in the time till the next one.

THE SLOW PERSON AT THE FRONT OF THE TAB QUEUE
There's 10 minutes before the race and you're desperate to whack $50 bucks on the sure-fire winner. Meanwhile, Ethel puts 273 $1 tickets in the machine at glacial speed..

OFFICE SQUEALERS
It's bad enough being forced to watch the race on the tiny TV monitor at work. Even worse when Amber from marketing screams the whole race and you don’t hear a thing.

EVERYONE
Face it. The Melbourne Cup is a big, crazy, noisy day. No matter where you go, it's impossible to see or hear the race properly, and everyone will annoy you. Happy punting!

Just Say Neigh To Gambling Bot

Originally published as24 annoying things about Melbourne Cup Day